The landscape is changing fast. What used to be no longer is, the age of men seems to be coming to an end. The advice given here is a summary of what I preach to the young women and men at my church. Some say that I make it hard on men, but really I am hoping that I am making easier on the women. To look at television is to succomb to silliness and confusion. Television depicts marriages as loose and unstable. Television depicts children as being smarter than their parents, men as weak and psychologically unstable and women as needing to hold everything together.
Walking down the street I am finding more and more women acting like men and men acting like women. I see more women in barbershops than ever before, and likewise more men in salons getting their do's done.
Terms now that have entered the mainstream are:
Down Low Living
The new millenium has changed the dynamics for choosing a good man. The reason why there are so many divorces in this country is because we have individuals that don't get married for the right reasons, nor do the understand the individuals they are getting married to.
Be mindful that there are so many different directions to in which to take this conversation. The goal for this time is to focus on just one area. Giving women a proper perspective on what they should have been doing from day one, establishing a road map on how to pick the "Right One."
To start first, let me make a very controversial statement, "The last place a person wants to go to get advice on how to make a marriage work is to someone who is divorced." Going to someone that is divorced for marriage advice is about as smart as going to a drug addict for advice about rehab, or like going to the person that flunked the math test asking for tutoring on how to pass the test! It doesn't work people, the moral of story is we need to watch who gives us advice on relationships. Advice based on experience versus truth can sometimes be a tricky thing. What is being revealed to you today is what you mother should have told you back in the day. Teach your children this and I guarantee they will have greater success in relationships. This is need to know information.
Successful relationships for women of the world have some foundational ingredients that we all need to be made aware of. Let's look at them in perspective.
Understand definitively "what" men are and "who" they need to be in your life. Biblically speaking the man should be priest, provider, and protector of the home. Since we are made in the likeness of Christ, how Christ established the church is how we should establish our homes. There are five major areas "MEN" need to have graduated from before women should ever feel comfortable engaging in any type of relationship.
Defining The Role of A Good Man
The following represent what a man should be bringing to the table. This outline if followed will allow a woman to weed out those individuals that only have good "herr" and get to the "real men" that will provide for you the type of life you desire.
a. Emotional- the ability satisfy the woman emotionally and keep her emotions grounded. Evaluate over time whether his emotions are grounded, whether he is given over to overreact in adverse situations. Does this person always make rash decisions? Are they prone to be selfish? Over emotional people have tendencies at times think only of themselves.
b. Psychological- "Drama-less" living, being able to stimulate the woman, not having a child-like mentality. Women need to stop dating boys trying to make them men. Men may process slower than women, but be sure and know that a man will make decisions even if you're not in on them.
c. Vision- having direction and purpose for their life. Why would you take the name of a man that admittedly does not know where he is going in life? How can a man lead a family when he does not knowwwhere he is going?
d. Healing/Wellness- The ability to provide a standard of life that ensures health and wellness for the family. There needs to be a genuine concern in the man for the wellness of his woman and the family.
e. Financial Legacy- Providing for a quality of life for the family that is more than what the woman could have provided for herself without the man's help. Establishing a system of financial increase that would lead to not only the immediate family being blessed, but a blessing that endures to at least two generations. If a woman has to pray to God for her needs to be met, the man then becomes unnecessary. Security is the top priority from an man for a woman. Men need to make sure that the woman knows that he can handle the bills, the car and everything else.
Once a woman is satisfied that this man can produce satisfactorily in these areas, the next step is to evaluate the worth of the individual. This seems to be selfish, but it is vitally necessary. It is necessary because the woman is about to "inherit" this man's life and everything that comes with it. it is foolish to find out that credit wise the only thing this man can get is "nothing" after you have said I do. This may not be a marriage deal breaker, but the woman needs to know the size of the fight (if any) that she is about to get into before the "I do's."
Key Points To Remember:
Purpose will always define action. There is a saying that states "what you do speaks so loud I can't hear what you say." If a man is not providing for you (the woman) now, he probably won't do it for you later.
Evaluating a man's worth must be separated from his desire. What he is doing now is more important than what he plans to do.
Make sure you have man's heart as well as his hand. If a woman only has a man's hand, he may provide for the wife and kids, but he will never be committed to you. Delilah found the secret of Sampson's heart, this is why she was able to expose him. The point made is that if a man is not willing to share with you the deep things of his heart, you don't have it. Remember, he will give his heart to someone you need to make sure it is you.